• Jessica Nicole

Lets Talk Virginity..

Updated: Jan 15, 2021

I know for some of you this kind of conversation makes you uncomfortable which is okay. Do you remember when you lost your virginity? Were you fully ready to take the next step in your relationship?! Was it all what you expected it to be, or were you disappointed? How old were you when it happened? These are all common questions.

I thought this would be a great topic to discuss next.

So here we go...... If you have been a friend of mine, or even a follower of mine for a while you know growing up for me waiting until marriage to have sex was something I strongly believed in. I grew up and still am a very spiritual and faithful person, and all though I do go to church and I know this is something that's taught there I've viewed it to be so much deeper than just saving my virginity for marriage because that's what God says is right but because as a women that's the respect I deserved not only for my body but also for my future husband. I remember getting older my friends would talk about sex and how their first times went from the pain down to the minor bleeding and body changes. But then you guys know we have the movie expectations which is the "making love" part of losing your virginity and all of the emotion that comes with it including the attachment you might feel because you are connecting with the person on a deeper level. Still I of course had no idea what it really was other than the actual facts we learn in health class (lol). Now at the age of 13 I Made that big decision for myself to save my virginity for marriage and as I got older I stuck to it for that deeper meaning. Never was I tempted to have sex or even get sexual with anyone, plus I never talked to anyone Nor was I ever dating someone to want to have a sexual relationship with. I felt like me being a 25 year old virgin the dating scene was soooooo sooo rough if you know than you know but most men are experienced which is no problem for me but for them dating a virgin who's saving themselves for marriage is usually a big deal breaker because ladies we know some men determine whether or not they want to date you by how the sex went. So if you can't relate than put yourself in my shoes because dating was HARD. People always asked me why did I make the decision to save myself for marriage. There's my answer. It's a choice I made and continued to make for myself. It was the best and healthiest decision for me. Sex isn’t just physical. It’s emotional and the only person who deserved it should've been the one who gave me a ring.

This is what I felt I valued the most about myself and wearing my Purity ring with pride. (on it it says Purity - Matthew 5:8)

Don’t get me wrong I know that having sex isn’t a bad thing and I do NOT judge anyone. I especially love having these conversations with my girlfriends being intrigued by their stories and taking notes lol. With all that being said this brings us to today, unfortunately as you all may know if you read my last blog post I fell in "love" and I had truly believed the person I was with was the one I was going to end up with forever and call my husband. I mean at least that’s what he led me to believe but we already got into that so anyways.... Yes I Lost my virginity to him and wow this topic makes me sad because for one this man knew all of my insecurities as most of you also may know which is the journey and battle with my weight. So with all of my knowledge and expectations of losing your virginity and if we're being honest here just pure common sense when you tell the man you love about your insecurities that should've been taken into account and make me feel beautiful but see that wasn't realistic. My experience did not meet any of the good expectations that I had; No he did not make me feel beautiful and ease my insecurities or fear. Yes it did hurt and honestly it all happened so fast, too fast. One minute we are kissing heating up the moment and the next minute it's over no memorable in-betweens. The worst part about all of this was not only losing my virginity but also on the multiple occasions of having sex I felt no sensations and satisfaction, that should've told me all i needed to know right there and I know some of you ladies can feel me on this one huh.

So of course I cried after it happened and I continued to cry for an entire week because it was over my purity was gone. Once all was said and done with the relationship I couldn't shake the guilt of losing that part of myself so I went to the one place I could find my peace. I went to church and ironically the topic for service on that day was saving yourself for marriage. I really do feel like God brought me there for a reason not to feel guilty or ashamed but to realize everything happens for a reason and at the time it felt right because I was in love. As I sat there I began to say this prayer "Dear, Lord forgive me for allowing myself to get to that extent in my relationship at the time I felt that he was who you sent for me to marry but, God if he is not who you sent to me please give me the signs and the strength I will need to move on from losing my virginity". I know now that I received all of my signs and I am forgiven and I will move on from this experience with absolutely no respect lost for myself. So ladies if you can relate to any of this just know it's okay to lose your virginity and you are entitled to feel how ever you do about your experience. You are still worth everything!

Here is a quote that got me through this that one of my friends Marina shared with me so I thought it would be nice to share on here too.

"A real man will never leave you wondering a man will never have you in doubt or leave you questioning his love, the man God has for you will treat you like the princess and the daughter of the most high that you are. A man who wants to be with you will cross oceans to be with you.”

Again I ask you these questions;

Do you remember your first time?

Was it all what you expected it to be?

Were you disappointed?

How old were you?

let me know the answers down below or message me privately, Until next time

Love always, Jessica


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